But I don't always love being around them, or talking to them, or listening to them. In fact, when I feel drained, proximity to the people I care most about inspires a desire to smack them silly.
It's not about them. It's about me.
I get to a place, every now and then, where the only person I want to be with is me. But you see, I don't really get to just BE with ME. My dad is elderly, and a widower. My kiddo is eight, and needs me in very unique ways. These two constant relationships are not ones I can set aside, or ignore when I need to be with me.
So I find myself irritated by them, as well as the rest of my inner circle.
Logically I know it isn't them. I know it is me, hovering near Empty. These are the people who lift me up, are the ones who fill me up, who make me feel in moments that my cup runneth over. And yet, because I am an introvert, when I am nearly at Empty, they cannot do these things for me. When I am feeling overwhelmed, when I need to BE with ME, I am the only one who can replenish my heart, my mind, my soul.
I wish it was different. In moments I wish I was different. But I am me. I like me. Hell, I love me. I simply cannot articlulate in any reasonable way to the people who I love so dearly this need inside of me. It's not a want, it's a need. A desperate need.
In my whole world, I only have one person who gets it. One person who understands that it's not about her, not even remotely about her. Guess what? She's an introvert too.
She's my touchstone. Thank you, Willow, for being an introvert. Thank you for knowing. Some days, your understanding saves me.
Because I am an introvert.
1 comment:
I am an introvert? Yes, I am!
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