Perversity

So, my school is closing. Yessir. I am transferring. Yessir. I have a handy dandy form to fill out, indeed. Yessir. This form is supposed to assist those in positions to place orphaned teachers in schools next year.

To say I am a little bit annoyed with this form is putting it mildly. My mind, quite perversely, keeps wanting to answer this form in non-helpful ways.

Please indicate your Current assignment for the current school year.
Cowgirl, or shepherdess. Maybe a border collie.

Please indicate your preferred teaching assignment(s) for the next school year.
Dodgeball instructor, Principal, or perhaps non-functioning tetherball pole.

What special needs, if any, do you have?
I need chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. Oh and an allowance.

What extracurricular involvement have you had or will you have during this school year?
That's a personal question. My extracurricular activities are nunya.

What extracurricular involvement might you be interested in for next year?
Well, there is this one guy ... nevermind.

What other schools have you been assigned to during your career? (Please designate Community Schools)
Albert COMMUNITY School
Athabasca NON-COMMUNITY School

In order of most desired, list the schools you would like to be assigned to next year.
Harvard, Princeton, any univeristy in Italy, Ohio State University Chillicothe ....

What specific training/courses/certificates/professional development do you have that we need to consider during staffing?
None, really. I don't believe in all that hibberdy jibberty.

In priority of importance, list the factors that we should consider during staffing. (i.e. specific school, subject area, extracurricular assignment)
My needs, wants, desires, and demands.

Are there any special considerations about you that we should take into account during staffing?
Yes. I carry my pinata stick everywhere, because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Uhhuh.