Half

I had an epiphany last night. It is simple. Half my life. I do not expect it to make sense to anyone else. It was wretched, it hurt, and I did not even want to examine it at first. I am learning to face my fears rather than run from them, so I stopped, and I thought. Then I thought some more. Then I admitted that, yes, I did give up the fight. That was hard to admit to. *sigh*

The reasons do not matter nearly so much as the time does. I spout off about having too little time on this planet to waste it only to wake up and realize that is what I have done. It is shameful, and inexcusable.

The real question is, now that I know, now that I realize ... what will I do? I truly do not know, and that shames me most of all.