I shared this over at WC the other night. I wanted it here, for me.

It was 7:00 AM. I had just gotten on the treadmill at the gym, my usual time to sweat with all the other women. I looked up at the television, hoping that I would be able to tolerate the CC version of the morning shows, since that was what the ladies seemed to like. I looked at smoke coming from a building and realized it was one of the World Trade Center buildings. Was there another bomb? I wondered. The closed captioning was not running, which always irritated me. Bad enough to try to read and sweat, but no text silent morning shows was worse.
I was worried, but the hole from what I thought was a bomb was small, comparatively speaking. It seemed to be contained. I walked, sweated, waited, and watched. I kept glancing left and right, but no one else seemed concerned.
Then, from the left side of the screen, a passenger plane came hurtling into view, slamming into the other tower. I burst into tears. I knew it was not a small plane. I am terrified of flying, and to deal with my fear, I watch planes taking off and landing. I knew it was a big plane. I knew then what had probably happened to the first tower.
I had stopped the treadmill, and I remember looking around, tears streaming down my face, wondering why no one else seemed to be as horrified as I was. They all kept working out.
They just kept on going.
I stumbled to the change room, grabbed my stuff, and made my way to my son's work. He was working nights at that time, and I always picked him up after my workouts. When he got into the car, he saw my tears and asked, "What's wrong, Mom?"
"The twin towers have been hit by planes, James, " was all I could say. He thought at first I meant the small twin towers we have here in Regina. I explained to him what I had seen. He was shocked and silent, and we listened to the radio as we made our way back home.
We walked into the apartment and James turned on the television in my bedroom. There was a long shot of the decimated towers, and as we stood there, one of them shuddered. And fell. It just ..... fell. James sat down at the foot of my bed, looking at me. I just stood there, looking back at him.
"All those people," I said. Or maybe I just thought it. No one seemed to know anything, no matter what station we turned to. Had they gotten the people out? It was so confusing, so upsetting, so overwhelming.
James kept watching while I showered. I cried as I stood under the spray, and tried to block the images out of my mind. How was I going to face the day at work? How was I going to be able to hold myself together in front of my students? God, how was I going to be able to answer their questions? Just block the images, Sarah. Forward motion.
I finished dressing and came down the hall. James was trying to update me about another possible plane, but I was not really listening. I was bracing for what was to come, at work and in the world. I was thinking that the world was never going to be the same. Something awful had just happened, not just in New York, but everywhere. I did not know what, but I knew it was not good.
I told James I had to go, I had to go to work. I lived a two minute walk from work, yet it was further than I wanted to go that sunny morning. I really did not want to face my students. I had no answers for them.
Then, as I made to leave my bedroom, the second tower fell. It was 8:30. Later I realized it had been ninety minutes from the time I stepped on the treadmill until that moment. Ninety minutes, and the world has not been the same since. My heart broke somewhere as my big strong son looked at me, tears in his eyes, sadness, confusion, and fear all evident in his face. We hugged, tightly.
"I love you, Mom."
"I love you too, Jamesy. It's going to be all right."
I spent the day comforting students, unable to do anything more than share their confusion and fear, letting them know I cared and that their fears were normal.
I have made it a point, since seeing those hate-filled actions, to let the people in my world know I love them, and to face the world with caring and a smile. For me, it is how I keep the evil that gave birth to that horror from winning. I teach my students about random acts of kindness, for in the caring we show to others, we win.
~Sarah