Introspection

I have found myself in a rather introspective mood the past two days. Sometimes this is not a good place for me to be, for there are some things that should not be pondered at any length, for it serves no useful purpose. This was not one of those occasions, at least not entirely.

I stumbled across a song - as I am prone to do in moments - that caught my attention based on one line.

I'm that wave you caught back in 1975.

I could not explain why it caught my attention but I ended up doing some searching in regards to the song. Turns out the songwriter penned the song for a very close friend who died. This was a friend who predated any fame or notoriety he has achieved, and who stuck with him through some fairly horrendous times.

What it did was remind me of my closest friend, Kelly. Kelly died when I was twenty-eight, and I still have crystal clear memories from long ago. One that jumped up and surprised me was that July day in 1983, the two of us driving north on the #6 Highway in the Prelude, sunroof open, music on the radio. I was singing away, smiling, and she turned to me and said, "You look really nice." It was the sincerity in her voice that I remember, for she was not often that earnest.

I miss her, even now. I miss that one person who knew me as a kid, a teenager. She knew my past, my present, and we planned our futures together. She stood with me at my wedding, I was with her the day her youngest child - named after me - was born, and I was there when she fought that last fight, the one that took her life when we were both far too young.

Sometimes, we take for granted those we should value above all others. Sometimes, we don't say the things we should, thinking there will be another time, another day, another moment.

Sadly, sometimes there isn't.

I try to live my life with few regrets. I want to regret what I tried instead of what I did not do. Kelly taught me that lesson, and I have tried to keep it close to me, even though I do not like to think about it consciously all that much. I simply keep moving forward, doing the best I can, trying not to make the same mistakes over and over and over. I figure there are more than enough new mistakes to make and learn from, I don't need to repeat myself.

Heh.

I had to talk through this with a dear friend - who means more to me than I could ever articulate - before I could get a grip on it, but now? I can smile over the momentary introspection, remember the time at the lake when a baby fish got stuck in the crotch of Kelly's swimsuit - irony is funny sometimes - and laugh. Life is good.

So take me down the road
Take me to the show
It's something to believe in
That no one else knows
But don't take me for granted
I'm with you when you're born
You can take me when you die
With all the reasons why
But don't take me for granted

~Social Distortion, "Don't Take Me For Granted"