No No No No No

I wish for things I know are impossible. I ache for the control that will save me, break me, mend me.

In moments, I yearn for the bliss of ignorance. Other moments are spent in blind ecstasy, a dark, welcoming moment where all my fears are suddenly cast aside.

I am sitting here in the dark, a pool of lamplight the only illumination, yet not the one I want to reach for. But I know enough to know what happens to a newly-awakening chrysalid when it gets too close to the fire. So I fight my own fluttering, a losing battle I don't even want to win.

To discover what you cannot have is the bitterest pill to swallow.